What Courage Means To Me (and How to Choose Courage Over Fear)

I love the word courage. I always have. There’s something stately and majestic about it, something at once powerful and empowering. I’ve been thinking a lot about courage recently because it’s one of the three words I pulled at the start of 2021 that is meant to represent one of my guiding principles for the year.

(I’ve talked about this practice before, but if you’re curious, I use this template to create the cards, fold them, mix them in a bowl, and then I have everyone take three cards without looking. It’s fun for the whole family, and I find the words seriously resonate when I look back on them at the end of the year.)

 

This year, the cards I drew were: strength, courage, and openness.

PHEW.

That was the sound I made when I unfurled the tightly wrapped papers and first looked at the words that would guide this year that was coming on the heels of what we have collectively dubbed The Hardest and Longest Year Ever. Because while there was nothing inherently heavy or negative about these words at all, after getting through 2020, I’d been kind of hoping for words like “play,” “adventure,” and “joy.” You know, something light and airy to counteract the heaviness that had hung like a thick sheet over much of the previous year.

The words I actually got, however, had weight. Looking at them, I could tell this year would bring new obstacles to overcome, changes to flow through, and tremendous growth. There would be discomfort that came with that, and growing pains. Yet these words also made total sense when I considered all the things I hoped to accomplish and that I hoped would be different going into 2022.

 

Growth and change always require a down payment of strength, courage, and openness.

Openness to new experiences, the strength to let go of the old and familiar, and the courage to choose to follow your heart even when you cannot guarantee the outcome.

So far, all three words have rung very true for me, but I wanted to speak about courage in particular because it’s the one that has been most on my mind lately.

In particular, I found myself asking, what does courage actually mean to me?  

In the past, I used to use courage interchangeably with bravery, assuming they both meant moving past fear, doing hard things, charging boldly forward. But then I read somewhere about the distinction between the two, and it totally rocked my world.

 

The difference between bravery and courage:

Bravery – being totally fearless

Courage – having fear, doubt, trepidation and DOING IT ANYWAY.

 

To me, the definition of courage feels at once softer and stronger than that of bravery. Baked into its very core are compassion and acceptance. After all, many of us wish we could totally do away with the fears we feel hold us back. We think that if only we could overcome our fears, then we could finally create the lives we want. We imagine a distant future when we will wake up, magically free of all our fear, and by extension, free to act on our dreams and desires.

The truth is, that future moment rarely ever comes to pass. We can spend our whole lives catering to our fears, bowing around them, keeping them happy and unactivated.. But at what cost?

 

What are we holding ourselves back from when we consistently choose the fear-based choice?

What are we preventing ourselves from experiencing when we don’t ever stand up to our fears and face them head-on?

And is it fear that is holding ourselves back from living our truest lives, or is it the lack of courage?

 

I think if we truly want to live full heart-led lives that feel aligned and magical and so so right, we have to also be okay with the fear that will necessarily crop up from time to time. Fear, in this case, is not a warning to stay in place or turn back. Rather, it’s a clear indication that you are growing and evolving and exactly where you need to be.

 

There is no denying that having no fear would make things more comfortable. More sure, even. Fear with its sometimes relentless deluge of negative talk and scary scenarios can be a difficult companion to tolerate.

But this is why I believe courage requires significantly more strength than bravery. To hold our fear and acknowledge it, and then to allow it to be there and move forward anyway is no easy feat. It requires leaning into the discomfort and uncertainty of a future you cannot foresee because you have decided that staying true to yourself is worth it. It requires resolute trust and faith in the guidance of your own heart, even when (especially when) the voices within and outside you are casting doubt on what you know to be true.

 

And the cool thing is, once we decide to stop letting fear call the shots and we reclaim our rightful place in the driver’s seat of our lives, our fear quiets down until one day, it is so whisper-soft that it almost feels nonexistent. It’s almost as if the fear sees your strength and conviction, and thinks, oh okay, you got this, you don’t need me to keep you safe anymore.

The key is to not wait for the absence of fear to take that first step. You can be courageous and strong and also be scared shitless. And doesn’t that kind of take the pressure off?

PHEW.

 

Courage in Action

 

The prolific researcher, author, and storyteller Brene Brown describes courage in this way:

 

“Courage is a heart word…In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant ‘to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’ Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences — good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as ‘ordinary courage.'”

 

Umm, can I get a hell yes to that!?

In just these first four months of 2021, I have come face to face with this precise definition of courage. Because while I haven’t been jumping off planes or saving puppies from burning buildings, I have been having a LOT of tough conversations. I’ve had to be calm, yet resolute, in drawing boundaries in relationships that have been without for far too long. I’ve also had to be more open and honest with MYSELF about what simply was not working anymore and whether I was willing to make the necessary changes.

I discussed this in depth in my two recent posts.

The Line Between Forcing and Self-Discipline  – all about figuring out if it is necessary to FORCE ourselves to do things in order to actually accomplish something, or if there is a gentler approach

How to Follow Intuition Over Should  – all about my personal journey with distinguishing between my own intuition or “heart voice” and the “shoulds” I’ve amassed over the years from both external and internal sources. I also discuss what I have been doing in recent times to question which of those shoulds are actually serving me, and then to challenge them when I sense they are actually holding me back.

 

 

However, I would actually like to add something to Brene’s beautiful definition because I think courage is more than speaking from the heart, more than simply speaking our truth openly and honestly. To me, to be courageous is to lead from the heart in every aspect of our lives.  To take action driven not by the mind’s fearful voice, but by the calm, sure guidance of the heart.

 

I’ve felt a lot of fear recently when I think about the changes I want to make in my life before next year, the places I want to be in that I can’t yet fully imagine because the jump feels so large. I suppose the brave thing to do would be to work on the fear, to convince myself that there is nothing to be afraid of, and to go forth.

But the courageous thing to do, I think, is to allow the fear to be there and really listen to what it’s saying. Not as a source of authority or the ultimate guide, but as a data point that can shine a light on what I still need to work on. Fear is totally natural and necessary, and we do not need to eradicate it to move from our hearts.

Courage means we acknowledge the fear, we feel it fully, and we follow our hearts anyway. What’s more empowering than that?