One of my favorite Internet personalities that I really hope to meet in person one day is a lovely human by the name of Georgie Morley who blogs over at In It 4 The Long Run. I’ve been following her blog FOREVER, through the twists and turns that it’s taken, and I find Georgie’s growth so inspirational and also incredibly relatable. She talks about all things food freedom and body acceptance, but also business and mental health, and basically anything and everything that interests me.
One thing I really admire about her is how…chill…she is. Because I know she used to identify as a perfectionist with super controlling tendencies (hi!), I find it fascinating that she’s completely transformed her mindset and become so much more relaxed with what life throws at her.
Looking at her journey and story, I realize that I too have grown plenty from the rigid, controlling girl I was back in early high school. I definitely don’t follow any rules when it comes to food or exercise (hello, multiple coffees a week). I am so much more spontaneous and go-with-the flow, and though I still LOVE a solid plan and can’t live without my Erin Condren planner, I also know that I have never been as free as I am now.
You know how they say, though, that the work never stops? Just when you think you’ve totally got it all figured out, it turns out that actually there’s some more self-discovery to do. Luckily, I’ve always loved looking inwards and learning more about myself, so it’s pretty fun for me, but as a pretty self-aware person it’s sometimes mind-boggling how much I still don’t know. Especially now, in a time of transition, as I move from my adolescence to my twenties, it feels like theres a whole host of things that keep popping up, and as soon as I work through one, three more pop up.
It’s like the Whack-A-Mole game of life. #Deep
Last week, Georgie had a Q&A episode on her podcast (Episode 71; you should all give it a listen; it’s one of my favorites), and I happened to send in a question that I totally forgot about until I heard it repeated back by Georgie in the middle of the show, and answered in so insightful a manner that I had to pause it and listen several times over.
The question was something along the lines of, “What advice do you have for someone who has so many hopes and dreams but not really any idea of how to accomplish them? On a related note, how do you deal with the fear that none of those hopes and dreams will ever come true?”
I’d expected her to say to keep believing in myself, to follow my intuition, all the things I’ve been hearing and internalizing over the past couple months as I have tried to work out all of my ambitions. Instead, she said something infinitely more valuable for me in that moment.
She said to imagine that none of those dreams happen. That I accomplish nothing of what I see myself accomplishing. What then? Then I am still enough. I don’t need a list of accomplishments to identify with in order to prove my worth because my worth was established the moment I was born. We are all enough, no matter how immense or tiny our goals or successes.
Listening to her words, I realized how much pressure I’d been putting on myself. Both over this past month as I try to get as much done as I possibly can while there’s still time, and also just throughout my life. I sometimes tend to hold myself to some crazy standard, and then I go for a spiral when I realize I can’t measure up.
I realized the efforting has never worked for me. What I need to do is figure out how to separate my worth and identity from the things I want to accomplish.
It’s true, I have some big dreams. I get so invested in these dreams and am constantly terrified that they won’t happen. Because I think part of me is scared if I don’t accomplish them, I’ll lose who I am. That by not achieving these things I’ll waste my life. But those things aren’t me. They’re the icing on the cake, embellishments, but not the main event.
Because whether or not I accomplish all these things, it doesn’t matter if I don’t have great relationships, good health, and joy in my life. And I refuse to believe that the only path to success is forfeiting these three.
Something else Georgie said is that focusing too hard on some specific arbitrary goals can backfire because you will put your blinders on and not realize if an even better opportunity comes along. In other words, you could get so focused on getting to this goal just because you told yourself you should that you miss what is actually right for you.
Man. That hit me like a ton of bricks.
One thing I never want to do is waste my life looking at the future and not pay attention to the present. I’d been quite good at living in the present while at school, but I’ve lost my way a bit over the past month.
So my goal for now? Read more Harry Potter, watch more movies and Big Bang Theory, take more walks with zero podcasts, music, or distractions, spend lazy mornings in bed and go to brunches with friends. Make some money to sustain myself for the summer, but stop worrying so much about making enough for the future or starting some crazy new endeavors.
Yes, there are still things I want to do this summer, projects I’m super excited about that require a fair amount of work. But I think when I am more relaxed, I’ll be more open to the opportunities coming my way that will help me get to those goals. Which, if you ask me, is much better than freaking out and stressing constantly about not doing “enough.”
It’s all enough. I am right where I am supposed to be. And so are you. <3
Linking up with Amanda
No questions. Just your thoughts.
Oh giiirrrrrrl. This. I feel like we are on a bit of synchronicity with this post and my recent “being special” post. My realization that I (we) are special, even without all those external validations, is like this realization that we are also “enough” without all that forcing and scrambling and achieving. I’ve been a go getter, HIGHLY attached to my dreams for a long time. I hold my dream – to be an actor, at my very specific dream theaters – very seriously. Possibly, to an unhealthy extent. Because, yes, I know I am blindering myself by seeing that, and only that, as the one way I will feel truly successful. For a long time I’ve thought, if I do not get that specific dream – I will be a failure. Now that I’ve learned that this fighting and self-pressure does NOT work for me….I am starting to learn that putting this much pressure on myself may not only lead to heart break, but will also open the possibility of losing out on other things – other things that are maybe supposed to happen to me. I am working on letting go of these expectations I hold of myself, and learning that even if I don’t get all that I “want,” I am enough just living my every day, being the best me I can be and working to live a life that I love.
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Yes yes yes, so beautifully said. Learning this lesson all the time.