I know most of you will be able to relate to this feeling because I think it’s an inevitable experience that shows up again and again in life.
Particularly when we are in between two big seasons, and we feel simultaneously tied to the first season and also looking forward to the next, it’s pretty natural to feel a little…floaty. In flux. Somehow neither fully here nor really there.
I’ve definitely dealt with this in the past, and it pretty much always happens right before the start of a new school year, as the summer winds down, but this year it’s particularly prevalent. I think part of it is I haven’t been at Georgetown in months. So many months, in fact, I honestly feel a little like an imposter going back there.
After spending the last 3 months at an actual full-time real-life adult JOB, and the 5 months before that living in fantasyland and getting to travel to my heart’s content and living more intuitively than ever before and experiencing magic beyond my wildest dreams…I’m honestly not sure how I fit in at Georgetown anymore.
It feels a bit like finding an old favorite dress you used to wear as a kid, and though you still fit into it when you put it on, something feels off. All of a sudden, you realize you’re too old for this dress and it no longer fits who you are now. You still love it and remember all your memories of wearing the dress fondly, but you also know it’s time to lovingly fold it and put it in the back of the closet with all the clothes you no longer wear but cannot bear to part with yet.
Maybe it’s ridiculous to say, but I almost feel too OLD for college. I’m not necessarily in any rush to dive head-first into the “Real World” of paying bills and maintaining an apartment and fully sustaining myrself, but I also feel slightly odd going back to doing homework, taking exams, and sitting in lectures after the last 8 months of my life. Like I said, I’m in flux.
And I know this may sound incredibly privileged, pretentious, or ungrateful, and I really hope it’s not coming across this way. I do still love Georgetown. I am so excited about seeing all my friends and having a ROCKIN’ senior year. I am pretty pumped about some of the classes I’m taking because this is the first semester I had complete choice in building my schedule. AND I am not at all looking forward to the constant busyness and stress culture. AND I am not excited for that feeling of being constantly under a microscope and needing to explain yourself to someone when you just want to do your own thing.
I guess I’m just feeling a lot of confusing conflicting emotions right now, and that’s okay. I’m doing my best to stay grounded and present, to enjoy these last couple weeks in NYC before I head off to Georgetown for a new chapter. It’s all just another adventure, after all. 😉
One step at a time, one foot then another, who knows where this road may go? (If you got the reference, we should be friends).
Also, I’m currently listening to my Summer Rewinds playlist on Spotify and She’s So Gone came on (what a classic), and it feels VERY RELEVANT.
Thank you for reading my rambles, and hopefully that was relatable, and if not, at least mildly entertaining? 🙂 Wishing you all a lovely week.
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