Authenticity. Such a buzz word, right? We hear it all the time.

Is this an AUTHENTIC 1920’s antique?

Is this painting an AUTHENTIC original?

Are these AUTHENTIC French macarons? (That’s right, no imitation cookies here!)

But what does it mean to be authentic as a human? And why is it so important?

To me authenticity basically means knowing who you are and expressing just that to others. It means following what your heart tells you and making decisions based on your own values and desires, rather than the judgments of others.

It’s about being self-aware enough to hear that inner voice that drives you and being brave enough to heed it.

I don’t think anyone ever reaches the point where they feel like they truly know themselves. We are all constantly changing, constantly growing and evolving, and it’s up to us to keep up and keep figuring out who we are at any given moment.

I talked about this quite a bit in Monday’s post.

I think before I came to college, in the summer, I felt that I knew myself better than I ever had. I had cultivated this version of myself that I actually liked, that felt true and effortless and familiar. I wasn’t pretending; I was comfortable and confident in my own skin.

And then freshman year came, and everything I’d been so sure about in my own identity was pretty much turned on its head. I felt like every day I was making new self-discoveries, figuring out new things about myself, and continually losing and finding myself, never feeling fully secure.

I was uncomfortable so often, never feeling like I could be my true self.

At the time, I didn’t have too many friends on campus, and it felt like I had to act like some weird, slightly altered version of myself to fit in with them.

And as someone who has always been fairly self-aware and independent, I couldn’t stand feeling that way.

That year I did a lot of growing. I did so much journaling. I learned and stumbled and fell and picked myself up and kept moving forward. And by the end, I finally felt like me again.

I had found friends who allowed me to be the fully authentic me, the me that I knew and liked and whose presence I had last felt so strongly only the previous summer.

By the time the summer rolled around again, I felt righted, somehow even more secure in my identity after the tumultuousness of the previous year.

Sometimes, I have days even this year where I just feel lost. I’m not certain what I’m feeling; I just know it’s not pleasant, or I feel weirdly uncomfortable and I don’t know why.

It’s in those times that I take a deep breath and focus on regaining my authenticity. I re-center myself by tuning in to my inner voice, and in just a few minutes, I feel calmer, more collected, and more myself.

And I think feeling comfortable being authentically ourselves is the single most important and most heartening experience. We all want the freedom to be who we are and to show it without restraint.

You know those people who always radiate self-confidence? Who strike you with how self-assured and comfortable they are in their own skin? That’s authenticity.

Here are some things I do to feel like the true, authentic me.

Journal

I’ve spoken your ears off about this already, so I’ll just direct you to this post and this one again. But in all honesty, journaling is one of the biggest things that helps me cut my own bullshit. Sometimes when I feel down, I try to convince myself I don’t because there doesn’t seem to be any real reason for me to be upset.

And then I start journaling and words pour out of me like some kind of torrential downpour, and by the end, I not only feel lighter and more free but like I have uncovered a new piece of me. Once I’ve journaled, I can often begin seeking a solution to whatever is bothering me, while before getting those thoughts out, I just stuffed all the problems and negative feelings deep down and tried to convince myself myself they weren’t there. Out of sight, out of mind?

Mmm, pretty much just the opposite.

So do yourself a favor and grab a pen and paper. It’s like a therapy session with yourself!

Feed Your Soul

Everyone has that something that when they do it or participate in it or surround themselves with it, they instantly feel a million times better.

For some people, it’s going to a music concert and really losing themselves in the music; for some, it’s reading a book they loved as a child that reminds them of the little joys in life; for others, it’s volunteering at an animal shelter.

Most often, it’s something that has always been a part of you, something your younger self would do all the time without thinking about it, but that the present you often neglects in the face of all the busyness of the everyday.

Try to remember what really lit your soul on fire when you were a kid. Or maybe think about what you’ve always wanted to be before the reality of the world made you scrap that dream? Often, those childhood wishes are quite revealing and pertinent even to our older selves, though they may appear in slightly altered ways.

Do What You Love

I can’t stress the importance of this one, and yet, it’s often the easiest to neglect. I know how easy it is to put aside the simple pleasures because we need to cross off x and y off our to do lists, but that’s one of the worst things to do. When we don’t do the things we love, we lose the fundamental joys in life. We become machines, ticking off task after task, and getting no satisfaction from it. I find that when I’m at my busiest and not making time for the things I love to do, I’m so much less happy and chipper. I’m snappy and exhausted and just look like I need a hug. And then all it takes is jamming out to a few songs, and I feel a thousand times better.

When you do something you really love, it feels like coming home. It’s familiar, and easy, and exciting, and it gets you passionate and fired up in the rest of your life.

So bust out that old guitar, pull out those watercolors and easel, settle down with some yarn and needles, whatever rocks your boat.

And a little tip? Schedule it in your to-do list to make sure you don’t forget! 🙂

Be Present

One of those woo woo phrases that people throw around all the time these days, and you just nod and say “mhm, be present” and then turn to the invisible cameraman and make the “huh?!” face and just go on with your day.

What I mean by being present, in the sense of authenticity, is just taking a moment to put aside your phone, your computer, the TV, all the things that we too often rely on when we don’t want to deal with our thoughts or emotions. You put it all away, you quiet the noise, and you listen. What are YOU thinking right in that moment? Close your eyes, breathe deeply, silence all the worries flitting around your brain. What do you hear?

I suppose this is kind of like meditation, but it doesn’t need to last long, and it doesn’t need to be structured at all. But when I realize that it’s been too long since I’ve taken a pause to really check in with myself and have been relying on muting everything using busywork or technology, that’s when I know it’s time for a little mental check-in.

Sometimes it’s as simple as having a little conversation with yourself. Like hey, how are you doing today really? It may sound really strange, but I promise it makes a world of difference in your mental well-being. We all have the capacity of being our own therapist. And when you find that you don’t have any of the answers…

Talk to Someone Who Knows You Better Than You Know Yourself

I’m not talking about therapy. I think therapy is great and super helpful for many, so if that feels like the right decision for you, it’s definitely a worthy investment. But what I’m talking about is a plain old conversation with a trusted family member or a close friend.

Too often, I sit down with my best friend or my mom and just talk and talk and talk and maybe cry, and all of a sudden I find myself saying things I didn’t even KNOW I WAS FEELING.

Or other times, I feel so completely lost or just don’t feel ready to face certain emotions, and then whoever I’m talking to will just be like, “Cut the crap. You know full well what you’re feeling, and you know full well that what you want to do is this, this, and this, so go do it!”

And honestly that’s usually all I need.

I think having someone who can be honest with you, in a compassionate way, is so key to building your own authenticity. That way, if you slip up, or you aren’t acting like yourself, you have someone who will notice and help you get back on track. Sometimes, that makes all the difference.

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I hope you guys enjoyed my 5 tips on authenticity, and please let me know in the comments below if you have some experience with losing authenticity or if you have some of your own tips on staying authentic.

Wishing you all a wonderful Thursday, loves!

 

Linking up with Amanda for Thinking Out Loud!