Lessons Learned 2018 + Intentions for 2019

One of my favorite things to do at the end of each year is to cozy up with a blanket, a hot drink, and maybe a sweet candle burning nearby and take inventory of the year that has gone by. As I sip my drink, I try to parse out the lessons and noteworthy moments in everything that has occurred. Some years are full to the brim with changes, and the lessons come easily. Some, like this one, are calmer and yet no less transformative.

2018 was certainly an interesting year. Though not much really changed in my life externally, I feel like a whole lot of growth occurred internally. I grew a lot this year, and the challenges I faced were unlike any I had really dealt with before. They weren’t quite as clear-cut as a break-up or a move or something monumental like that; rather, my year was punctuated by moments of what I can only describe as “quiet desperation.” This feeling of wanting more, of feeling somehow out of sorts and not knowing what to do to feel normal again. There was a lot of questioning, a LOT of introspection, and trying to figure out what I really want. There was also no shortage of beautiful sweet moments and so much gratitude for the people and things I am lucky enough to have in my life.

2018 was a LOT OF WORK. I mean that in the most literal sense. I had more schoolwork and challenging coursework than ever before in college, and it knocked the wind out of me. Or at least, it did in the first half of the year. My second semester of sophomore year left me so utterly drained by the end that it took all of the summer for me to come back to myself again.

The first semester of junior year was no less academically vigorous, but I think I was better equipped, more ready, to tackle it. I don’t feel the kind of burnout I felt back then, only a quiet relief, a desire for a bit more rest and slowness, and excitement as I look forward to my upcoming adventures.

Before I hop in, I wrote this post about my personal process with setting intentions for my other blog (part of a side job I have!), and I also have this post from last year about why I choose to set intentions, and not resolutions in the new year.

Okay, now that we’ve covered the business side, let’s dive into the fun stuff 🙂

Here are all the major lessons I’ve learned (and relearned) this past year.

Letting go of rules and internal pressures

Oof this was a big one. I think this has been something I’ve been steadily learning and working on throughout my time at college, and I think this year it has finally fully sunk in. I’ve definitely talked before about how I’ve made great strides in letting go of self-imposed rules, but going into this year I was definitely still holding onto a few that provided me with a sense of superficial security. Things like walking every day for around 10k steps (aided by my new Fitbit) or not drinking more than one cup of coffee a day…well, my Fitbit has been chilling in my drawer for months now and coffee more than once a day is always associated in my mind with a super joyful day. 🙂

I thought before that self-care had to be this thing I had to be diligent about, not realizing that in the process, I was sort of negating the very act of self-care. I remember last year I was spending a lot of time on my phone, and I would set these no-phone walking rules where I tried to walk for around 30 mins to an hour on most days without any kind of distractions. But now I’m like LOL I don’t want to do that. Some days my body genuinely craves a walk, and most of the time it’s not distraction-free, but sometimes it is. And other days a walk just doesn’t sound appealing, you know? And yes it’s a healthy practice and a great thing, but that doesn’t mean it needs to become part of my dogma. Same with eating distraction-free. Mindful eating is wonderful, you guys, but I think I’m far enough on my journey with a healthy relationship with food where I don’t need to eat in a total vacuum where it’s just me savoring every morsel. Most of the time, I really don’t want to be hyper-focusing on my food that much because that’s not great for me either. And so one of my simple pleasures this year has been turning on an episode of Big Bang Theory as I eat lunch or dinner to give myself a little mental break in the middle of a hectic day. 🙂

Not everything needs to be documented

This was a particularly unexpected lesson because I hadn’t even realized that I had all of these internal pressures around this. Sometimes I’d have a personal revelation, or I’d be out to a fun dinner with a friend or I’d settle down with the perfect set-up in front of me of tea, a candle, and a journal and I would think, man I should document this.

But I also really really didn’t want to. A part of me began to resent that urge to constantly be living my life based on what would look nice on a feed, and instead I kind of wanted to just…live it.

So yes I posted on Instagram much less this year than last, but I also felt so much more present and connected in my real life. It’s definitely a lesson I want to carry with me into this next year.

I love yoga

I do plan on writing a longer in-depth post about my gratitude for and love of yoga, but I had to mention it here. I’ve fallen in love with yoga this year, and it’s now a non-negotiable part of my weekly activity.

It has taught me to stay connected to my body when I move it, instead of tuning out, and to really listen to what feels good for it instead of just robotically following a video.

It’s taught me that sometimes slow intentional movement is 1000 times more “effective” than a fast paced high impact routine.

Finally, it just makes me feel beautiful and feminine and in touch with myself, and that’s been pretty life-changing for me this year.

There is a season and time for everything

Like I mentioned, I began to realize that I had a LOT of internal pressure surrounding my own creative projects or things I loved doing. Things like this blog and my new podcast and Instagram, but also things like practicing guitar and improving my fitness.

I used to cling to these things because I felt like they defined me, and I think part of me was scared I wouldn’t be ME without those things.

What I’ve come to realize, though, is that I am worthy even without all these “extra achievements” or without working super duper hard all the time. Worth and value and feeling GOOD as me doesn’t come from my achievements. Rather, the things that make feel the most ME are my friends, my family, the really simple moments that fill me with all the joy and love, and living authentically and mindfully from my intuition.

I’m always going to have goals and big ideas in my mind, but that doesn’t mean I ALWAYS need to be taking strides toward those for them to matter and be real; this year was largely about school and friendships. I didn’t have the kind of time I had my sophomore year to work on my personal projects and goals, and even when I did have time, I chose to spend it on quality time with my people because that’s what flowed for me. I’m so so happy I learned to let go of all that pressure on myself and just focus on doing what feels right and good at THAT TIME.

Nothing can dim the light that shines within

Ah, perhaps the single BIGGEST LESSON of 2018, and one that I intend not to forget again. It’s a lesson that I’ve always kept close to heart, but found myself really drifting away from in the challenges of last semester. It took all of the summer and much of this semester to really have it click back into place. I’m not even quite sure when it happened, but there was a very definitive click. It was the best realization that ultimately showed me that I don’t NEED any things or events or experiences to feel the light and magic I yearn to feel.

I’ve begun to study some Buddhist ideas in the past few months, which definitely nudged me along on this journey because Buddhism is all about that inner light and inner peace we all have without any external necessities. I was spending so much time complaining about my external situation and wishing for something different, wishing for adventure and rest and the future, that I forgot that I have the full capacity to LIVE and ENJOY in the present moment.

My favorite quote forever has been, “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” So obviously this is something I’ve known and believed in for a while, and while most of the year was spent feeling a bit lost and dazed, I’m so glad I ultimately came back to that fundamental belief.

It honestly kinda felt like I woke up, like I’m back to ME. And it’s a different me, definitely, slightly more jaded and less naive perhaps, but I think I like this me even more.

Travel is my magic

So I know I just prattled on about how magic is something that’s within us, and we don’t NEED those external experiences to feel good and aligned and full of wonder, and that’s all true. BUT! My soul loves adventure, you guys. No, it’s not the one thing that can make me feel aligned and joyful, but I do feel absolutely reborn when I experience it.

Even the tiniest of adventures can often make the biggest difference in my mental state and contentment. Honestly sometimes exploring a new part of DC or finding a new coffeeshop is perfect, and most weekends, that’s exactly what I would set out to do with a friend. But other times, there’s this deeper urge to just escape and go somewhere totally different, where you can really forget about your responsibilities. Philly really did that for me, as did Charlottesville last semester. And now, as I get ready to embark on the biggest adventure of my life thus far, I just feel so ready for it.

I don’t expect it to be easy or comfortable or amazing at all times, not at all, but I do expect it to be wildly transformative and magical. It’s something my soul has been craving for a long long time, and that actually leads me perfectly to my intention(s) for 2019.

2019

The words currently flowing to me to describe this coming year are adventure, pleasure, joy. Those are some of the values I want to live my year by. This is also before I’ve done my three Angel cards, so we shall see what those show me tonight!

Here are a few intentions that are also feeling good to me right now as I look forward.

1. Focus on living in the present moment, in the real world

2. Document and share your journey only when you feel called to

3. Spend some time alone, and don’t be afraid to do some inner work

4. Do what feels right, always, even if it feels scary and uncertain

5. Explore, adventure, and be open to unexpected journeys

And that’s a wrap! Thank you so very much for following along and being the sweetest readers. I love and appreciate you all more than I could possibly put into words. Wishing you the most joyous of celebrations today, and I will talk to you in the new year! <3

 

Linking up with Meg for Week in Review

 

What are some of your intentions for 2019?

What was something you learned or relearned in 2018?