This is a sequel to this post right here where I talked about everything I’ve been struggling with lately. I wanted to dive a little deeper into one of the themes from that post, which it seems many of you resonated with.
Namely, feeling lost.
I spent much of this year trying to manufacture a feeling of purpose. When the drive and motivation were nowhere to be found, I figured all I needed was more self-discipline. I tried setting rules; I created new routines; I forced myself to sit and stare at a blank page for an hour every morning. Eventually, I just had to give in and accept that for whatever reason, now was not the time to “figure it all out.” For the first time in my adult life, I found myself with hours upon hours that I was free to fill however I pleased, and yet there was simply nothing pulling me in any particular direction.
Maybe you can relate.
Maybe you also feel that you are not where you are meant to be, and yet you have no idea where that elusive place is, much less how to get there. Maybe you spend your days in constant motion because you are terrified of sitting in the stillness of uncertainty, where you are forced to face the reality of not knowing.
Maybe you feel like you are waiting for life to happen to you because you feel paralyzed, because nothing is calling to you, and yet you feel like there should be something you are moving toward right now.
Maybe you feel you are ready to soar, that when the opportunity comes along, you know you will grow wings and make the leap because you are so ready. More ready than you’ve ever been.
Maybe you’re still trying to figure out your role in everything you love. The things you feel you want to spend your day doing, and yet you are not clear on how you are meant to actually contribute. Maybe you miss that fire, that excited feeling that comes when you are doing something that feels like your purpose.
Maybe you haven’t felt that in a long time, so long that you’re wondering if this feeling has abandoned you forever, that you are now destined to live life in a constant state of okayness, never changing, never leaping higher, never quite knowing what your next step is because no next step ever shows up. Always doing things that feel just a little off, that don’t fill you with the passion and light you know live within.
Maybe you still get glimpses. Maybe just for a moment, it feels like it’s come back. There’s that familiar itch, that piqued curiosity, that sense of limitless possibility. Maybe you grip onto it with all your might, deem it your one last chance, throw your whole self into it. Maybe it leaves as fast as it came because these things cannot be rushed or pressured.
Maybe it feels like you spend your days grasping at straws, flitting from one task to the next, yet always missing the mark. A jack of all trades, a master of none.
It’s scary to feel directionless, to feel that you have no idea what the next step is, and to want so badly to just be given a clear map for the path you need to follow.
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In my case, I knew that I was grasping at straws, in an attempt to hasten the process and reconnect with my inspiration. All I was doing was trying to avoid what I knew deep inside I actually needed to do. Which was to wait.
And waiting is hard. Here’s why.
I love working hard. I love being creative. I love that feeling of being really inspired and fired up and having it all flow out of me like magic. I genuinely do enjoy being busy. Maybe not the kind of busy where it consumes my entire life and leaves me with no room to breathe, but the kind that feels purposeful and invigorating.
So when that desire to work hard is there but the inspiration is missing, it’s uncomfortable. It feels somehow wrong.
When I feel this way, my first instinct is to start working on a variety of different things that at any point have excited me or been potential projects and hoping one of them sticks. I fill my schedule to the brim with batched tasks until virtually every hour is filled. The problem is when I accomplish these things, I feel even more empty and lost than I did before.
There is a bone-deep exhaustion that sets in when you are doing things just for the sake of doing, rather than following what truly lights you up.
You want more. You want freedom, abundance, a life you can see clearly in your imagination when you let yourself go there, a world of potential that beckons and tantalizes you, yet always seems just out of reach.
You’ve been trying to force your way to that place, and all it’s done is make you feel burnt out and unworthy. You know deep down there has to be a better way.
So here is my radical suggestion, one I will be taking myself.
What if we embrace this period of not knowing? Let’s have fun with it. Let’s be kids again and just do things that feel fun, not because they are going to necessarily lead somewhere or help you make your next million dollars, but because we all deserve to enjoy.
What if this time isn’t for creating or building or doing? What if this time is for quiet transformation? A time to collect data, reflect on and integrate all you’ve learned, and dream wildly about the future.
What if you trust that you are exactly where you need to be, that the journey is just beginning and you should strap on for the ride because once it takes off, there won’t be any stopping it.
If you’re waiting for a sign, an intuitive nudge, a piqued curiosity, and it feels like there is just nothing right now, consider this your sign. A permission slip and a call to surrender, trusting that your path will illuminate. Trust that this period won’t last forever, as nothing ever does. Stay gentle and kind to yourself, and surrender to the flow of the universe.
There is beauty in not knowing. There is magic in this before stage, when you haven’t yet reached where you want to be. There is tremendous growth that happens when you let yourself experiment with new things and play, without expectations. So allow it all to unfold. Release the incessant need to force and control, and see what happens if you just let go, surrender, and trust.
I’m right there along with you. We’ve got this.
Lots of love. xx
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