Nostalgia {Thinking Out Loud}

I’ve been thinking a lot about nostalgia lately.

I think it’s so normal to think back wistfully on the past, to remember those memories that are even sweeter in retrospect, and to wonder if maybe the “good days” are behind us forever.

I think this can strike at virtually any age, but the times we are usually most nostalgic about are our formative years. Like adolescence.

I’m only 20, but to be honest, ever since I crossed that barrier into “the twenties,” I’ve been struggling with constant wistful longing for my early teenage years.

The funniest thing is how easy it is to put on rose-colored glasses when looking at the past. Suddenly, we remember everything as perfect and magical and full of possibility. We forget the heartache, the pain, the uncertainty, the feeling of not knowing who you are and wanting so desperately to be someone else.

Still, I can’t help it. I hear some song, or watch some movie about high school, and it washes over me. The nostalgia of those simpler times. Of course I realize how ridiculous it is to be 20 and feeling like the good days are behind me, and don’t get me wrong, I am so excited for everything I want to accomplish in this decade and ones going forward. But what makes me sad is that I can never get back that time of innocence and growth. When the world feels a lot simpler and you dream and dream because nothing feels impossible.

I’m still a dreamer. I still steadfastly hold onto some childish wonder, and I still believe in magic.

But I’m also thinking about the future, about how soon enough I will have to fend for myself, to pay bills and taxes and rent and start building a life on my own. About how when things go wrong, I’ll have to find ways to fix them on my own instead of asking an adult for help.

And yet. I am well aware that I am not alone. I am so grateful for the support network I have, the family members and friends that love and care about me and would drop everything to help me if I just asked.

And I also know that as simple as that time was, being a young adolescent is also HARD. And in many ways, I really am glad those days are behind me.

I don’t miss feeling like I want to jump out of my own skin or don’t understand what the heck is going on with both my body and mind. I don’t miss being told that I can’t do this or that, or that I’m too young to understand. I don’t miss the raging hormones, the insecurities, the feeling of never being enough.

Back then, so much of my worth was external. My grades, my looks, my achievements.

Now, it’s about what’s inside. I no longer need validation to know who I am or what I stand for. In many ways, the world feels even bigger because I know what I am capable of and what I actually want to accomplish.

So yes, sometimes that one song will come on (pretty much all of Taylor Swift’s old ones) or I’ll go to some place that brings the memories flooding back, and I’ll feel that familiar tightening of my chest but also a profound sense of joy. Because even though all of those memories are long gone, they have all made me who I am today (#cheesybuttrue)

I am older and wiser now, and of course I still have so much growing up and learning to do. My goal going forward is to remember the past, but not to long for it. Because soon enough, it’ll be the future, and I’ll be wishing I’d spent more time treasuring where I’m at right now. Instead, I will strive to keep a little of my naive 14-year-old self with me, while holding onto the wisdom and grace that I have worked on accumulating since then. I want to keep believing that the future is abundant and sweet. I want to keep dreaming, even when it feels naive. I want to always remember that there is so much to still experience and that my teenage years were a great trial run and stepping stone to even better things to come.

So here’s to getting older, but staying young. To remembering the past, but living in the present. To holding past dreams close while making room for new ones in the future. I hope we all feel nostalgic but we don’t let it consume us, and instead let it make us even more passionate about making tomorrow the best day yet.

Ever feel nostalgic? How do you reminisce about the bliss of the past while staying optimistic for the future?

Linking up with Amanda for Thinking Out Loud

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