Study Abroad Adventures: Arrival, Initial Thoughts & Updates

As I write this, it is 7:48am (Edinburgh time), and I’ve been awake for a little over 3 hours. Nope that was not a typo. I woke up wide awake at the bright hour of 4:15am, full of this restless energy and with zero possibility of getting back to sleep. The night before, I had woken up at 3:30, so hey at least we’re slowly improving. I’m hoping to get up to 6am by the time classes start. :p

The great thing about waking up so early is I have some time for myself, which I’ve come to realize is EXTREMELY important when you are traveling with someone else. No matter how close you are, being in such close proximity and dealing with all the various aspects of getting settled in a new place while trying to constantly compromise can lead to some tension.

So last night, I woke up and because I had no energy at all but also didn’t want to sleep, I just lay on the couch and watched 3 episodes of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (which is as great as you’ve heard!). And then I journaled quite a bit because I had woken up with some serious anxiety that sort of hit out of nowhere. I felt much better after writing it all out (it’s one of my go-to self-soothing practices), but here are some of the thoughts that kept popping up, and honestly that I woke up with this night as well.

I’d been doing really well in terms of fears and doubts before arriving, in that I honestly had none. I felt totally fresh and ready for the new year. Ringing in 2019 only added to this feeling of newness and creating space. For the first time, I was embarking on a huge change without feeling any resistance; I just felt good. Nothing was really holding me back; I felt totally secure in the relationships I was leaving, and most of all, I honestly just felt like I NEEDED this.

And while I still feel all those things, the anxiety is pretty rampant. Not as bad as yesterday by a long slide, but strong nonetheless. The one thing I know is it is not my inner voice/intuition that is resisting or bringing up all these fears and doubts. It does not feel like I made the wrong choice or like I am being called to leave here, not at all. Honestly, it just feels like fear. It’s the same exact feeling I get whenever I am in a situation I cannot really control. Last night, after watching those 3 episodes, I spent some time researching everything I could possibly think of about studying abroad in Edinburgh, which honestly just made me more freaked out. Until finally I was like, you know what? My experience will be MY experience. I was called to come here for a reason, and no matter what happens, what is in my power is making sure I do something every day that brings me joy.

When I thought of studying abroad here in the weeks and months leading up, the images that kept coming up was me wandering through the cobblestone streets of Edinburgh, taking a couple trips to London and some other places where I have friends studying, and also just making it my mission to discover the best and cutest coffeeshops where I could cozy up with a book for hours.

And that, all that, is absolutely within my control. Which is pretty comforting. Knowing that no matter what else happens, no matter the challenges I may or may not face, or the loneliness, or the people I will or won’t meet, I can damn well take myself on some joyful adventures around this beautiful city.

I also realized some of my fears had to do with my negative experiences my freshman year of college and me really resisting going back to that place. Which…is utterly impossible. I am not the same person I was back then, not by a mile. That girl was lost and confused and was trying hard to fit in while trying, and sometimes failing, to hold onto her values. She resisted HARD, and it took her a while to learn that the best things happen when you breathe into the tough moments and let the ease and joy come as they inevitably will, instead of efforting all the time.

Now, I have so much more flow in my life. I try to make choices that feel good and right for me, not for any external validation or because I feel like I “should.” And so with that, I’m doing my best to lean into the uncertainty, to breathe into the fears and doubts, and just allow everything to unfold as it will. I am so excited to do the things I’ve been dreaming about for months now, but also to just see what happens. The unknown can feel scary sometimes, but it’s also exciting, and in my opinion, is key for a magical life. 🙂

In terms of other things, things haven’t been too eventful yet. Mom and I decided to take it slow and easy the first couple days, not really tackling any major tourist attractions but just wandering all around and bopping into whatever places we happened to pass that looked interesting.

So far, we’ve visited the Elephant House (where J.K. Rowling wrote some of the books!), Lovecrumbs (I am 100% sure this will be one of my favorite Edinburgh spots– their coffee, cake, and overall vibe are basically the embodiment of hygge and pure joy), walked along the Leith waterway and saw Dean Village, and had a delicious meal at Harvey Nichols!

Edinburgh is beautiful, and whenever I’m feeling particularly anxious or doubtful, it helps that everywhere I look is basically a carbon copy of the Harry Potter universe. I mean, we have a castle on top of a hill (heh just like the song).

On the agenda today are a hike up Calton Hill, climbing up the Scott Monument, afternoon tea at The Balmoral (where J.K. wrote the last part of the last HP book!), and whatever else we end up being in the mood for.

Another note: I’m glad my mom is here for this week, but I am really excited to be on my own here too. Sometimes there are things I want to do, or places I want to go, that I know she wouldn’t like and of course I don’t push anything on her because I’ll be here for the next 5 months. That being said, the few times I’ve wandered off on my own, I can barely keep the smile on my face. Ugh that feeling of adventure…nothing can beat it.

I’m going to leave it here, and I’ll try to have the next update for you all next Monday! By that point, I will be completely on my own here and in the midst of orientation craziness (lawd send me strength- LOL one of the things I remember not being all too great in Georgetown). Right now, I think I’ll sneak out and do some exploring before my mom wakes up. 🙂

Hope you’re all doing splendidly, and feel free to shoot me a comment and let me know what’s going on in your life!

Linking up with Meg for Week in Review

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