I was going to just talk about this in a Joyful Diaries or Favorites post, but then decided this topic deserves a post all of its own.
Last week, after around 4 months of feeling like I was caught in a Groundhog Day loop of doing exactly the same things day after day after day, I finally decided that enough was enough and it was time to put on some makeup and a cute outfit and go on a date…
With myself.
The concept of solo dates is one that is not at all new to me; I’ve been doing them for years, and honestly, it’s one of my favorite regular practices that feeds my inner adventure-loving Gryffindor while also serving as a little break from routine. It’s something I always incorporated into my weeks in college when possible, and as you all know if you were reading back then, my semester abroad was packed to the BRIM with solo dates.
As much as I adore hanging out with people I love, I also really really like going exploring with just myself for company. I think it’s also done wonders for my becoming more comfortable in solitude and stillness (though it definitely still takes more work when I’m not running around exploring but am simply…sitting). Still, this is one of my absolute favorite practices that I have discovered time and time again is KEY for my mental health and joy levels.
And yet.
COVID has definitely been a bit of an, erm, rooster-block (heh) for my regular solo dates. When the winter months came, and cases in NYC once again started to rise, I decided to hunker down in my neighborhood to wait out the long winter. At first, I genuinely enjoyed it. It was nice to hibernate for a bit and not worry about going anywhere. That constant routine and monotony provided a sense of much-needed comfort and safety. For a while. We all know how that story ends because we humans are not built for endless stagnation, and eventually, there’s that undeniable longing to go, see, and do something new.
For me, it was a slow build of gradually being a little more irritable, a little less positive, and just not feeling like myself. For the first time in a while, the daily self-care practices I normally rely on to get me out of a funk (journaling, meditating, working out, talking to loved ones, etc.) weren’t quite doing it. Everything felt a bit more gray, like a reflection of the relentless cloudy weather. I chalked the way I was feeling to just, you know, the reality of the pandemic and missing my friends and boyfriend and all that. In other words, I totally handed away my inner power and decided that since I couldn’t change external circumstances, I just had to passively wait for them to change themselves before I could feel better.
But then I was like, HOLD UP. This isn’t me; this isn’t what I do! I don’t simply accept circumstances that feel crappy, or base how I feel fully around things outside my control. There are ALWAYS ways to feel a little better, and the very first place that has to originate from is within me.
I realized that the door had actually been unlocked this whole time, but because I’d gotten so used to seeing it closed, I’d forgotten that I could open it.
So I thought about what my soul really called me to. What would feel really really good right now? I thought about how the idea of having the following week look exactly the same as this one felt constricting and suffocating, how it had been so long since I’d felt that true excitement and presence that come when I am experiencing my surroundings with wonder and curiosity.
And then it hit me. Holy crap, I haven’t had an ADVENTURE in ages. In fact, it had been right over 4 months since I’d last stepped foot in Manhattan, my favorite borough that never has a shortage of discoveries to make. I’d become so accustomed to the daily monotony of my life, with the weekends that were literal carbon copies of each other, that I completely forgot about this super important aspect of my self-care. Adventures!
This isn’t the first time I’ve forgotten. I remember a few years back, during a particularly grueling semester in college, I was at my wit’s end about how to deal with the endless pile-up of work and obligations and stress until I randomly decided to have a little mini day-trip out on the town with a friend and literally felt REBORN. That’s when I first realized that this was something I could easily incorporate into my life that would bring joy and excitement to an otherwise tough time.
The adventures were never anything wild. All it took was exploring a new-to-us neighborhood, going to a museum and then a good coffeeshop, trying a new restaurant. I think mostly it was just the mindset of finding something new and having a grand time just because we could. No real expectations, no itinerary, just a general desire to try/see something new and have fun.
Then when I was studying abroad, I discovered that I could have adventures that were just as magical and fun completely on my own.
I used to believe I did not like spending too much time on my own, and I certainly never imagined I would enjoy solo travel, but I was a total convert right from the start.
I loved the feeling of taking myself to a new place and doing exactly what I wanted, free to go where I wished and spend the time how I pleased. I think this also allowed me to really hone my connection to my intuition, as I allowed these solo trips to be as unplanned and spontaneous as possible, jotting down just a couple specific things I wanted to try or see, but mostly just allowing things to unfold. This is how I discovered the most interesting bookstores and magical shops, or breathtaking gardens where I would sit and read and people-watch, or trails that led to the most gorgeous overlooks. These were things I never could have found through research and planning. They were total surprise discoveries that were all the more magical for that.
Moreover, having solo adventures became an unprecedented chance to be fully present and spend quality time with myself. Just as having adventures with my friends made me feel closer to them, so too did I always find myself feeling more connected to myself than ever on these solo outings.
In the legendary creativity bible, The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes about these solo adventure dates and calls them Artist Dates, which she defines as a day that you spend with your Inner Artist, essentially catering to her every craze and whim and just seeing what happens. She says these are integral to keeping your creative tank full and will often lead to a total revitalization of inspiration if you’ve been feeling your creative wells run dry.
For me personally, I don’t like putting that kind of pressure on my adventure dates.
I much prefer looking at them as a chance to do something really fun with and for myself and just enjoy my own company. I don’t expect anything out of them except for joy, pleasure, and perhaps some kind of new perspective or experience.
Yet, I can honestly say that Julia Cameron makes a very valid point. Because, after going on my little solo date last week, I felt a thousand percent more inspired in the days after. I had so many ideas for posts I wanted to write, and when I sat down to write them, they flowed out with minimal effort. I also felt more inspired to do some new things in my life generally, from new recipes I wanted to try to new books I wanted to read to new practices I wanted to try implementing.
It was as though doing and seeing something new was precisely what I needed to allow for new fresh thoughts and perspectives to enter in. Like throwing the windows wide open.
Most importantly, though, I came out of it feeling so much lighter and more like myself again. More grounded, more loving, more joyful, seeing-the-magic-everywhere me. I’d missed her.
I’ve decided that I will try to make this a regular occurrence and really prioritize this quality time with myself, the way I do with my other self-care habits. It sounds so simple, just going out and exploring a new place, but that’s what makes it so magical. Sometimes it’s not about the things we’re actually doing or seeing, but about how present we are while there and what we decide to get out of it. Bringing a little bit of wonder and whimsy to your everyday is an easy way to appreciate and enjoy life, even when things feel a bit gray.
So here’s my little friendly advice for you for the week. Go out and have yourself a little (COVID-safe) adventure. Explore a different neighborhood, support a local coffeeshop you’ve never tried, drive to a neighboring town and just walk around and see what happens. I find it’s the perfect practice for staying open to all kinds of magic in our daily lives. You never know what you’ll find. 😉
Leave a Reply